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You would think that a small comment you made about your partner's outfit does not mean anything. However, that small comment has the potential to become a trauma for your partner. In fact, any comment that comes out of your mouth has the potential to scar your partner for life. Therefore, it is important to know yourself, know the evil and good side of your personality, know when each of those are in command of your speech. This knowledge will in turn make you a safe space for your partner, and will also make you someone that is able to prevent conflicts; "If I am aware of my mood I am able to manipulate my speech". Predict conflicts; "If I am at my worst mood the words that come out of my mouth will be harmful". Fix conflicts "I said certain things while I was not at my best cognitive abilities".
Too much self awareness can be harmful. You could be so aware that it inhibits your speech, so many thoughts could cloud your judgement in such a way that instead of speaking you become paralyzed with silence. You do not want to be silent all the time (unless you do – sometimes life it's better that way). However, other times when you do not want to be silent it helps to take a moment to evaluate the status of your emotions before responding.
Hollywood teaches us to speak as if life was scripted, like if the other person has to automatically know how to respond as soon as the other person stops talking. Not how it should work in real life. There should be an acceptable pause between each person talking. During this pause the person responsible for continuing the conversation should be evaluating her/his mood to see if the response is essentially coming from the "heart".
Heart as in the frontal lobe instead of the amygdala. Frontal lobe part of the brain is responsible for processing thoughts, amygdala is the unconscious brain. When you are responding quickly in a conversation; having fun with family, friends, one tends to default to amygdala responses.
Conclusion
On the next conversation you have, take some time to evaluate your response. If they ask you why are you taking such long pauses tell them that you are a bit sick up in the head and you need a quick moment to make sure you give them the best response.
Too much self awareness can be harmful. You could be so aware that it inhibits your speech, so many thoughts could cloud your judgement in such a way that instead of speaking you become paralyzed with silence. You do not want to be silent all the time (unless you do – sometimes life it's better that way). However, other times when you do not want to be silent it helps to take a moment to evaluate the status of your emotions before responding.
Hollywood teaches us to speak as if life was scripted, like if the other person has to automatically know how to respond as soon as the other person stops talking. Not how it should work in real life. There should be an acceptable pause between each person talking. During this pause the person responsible for continuing the conversation should be evaluating her/his mood to see if the response is essentially coming from the "heart".
Heart as in the frontal lobe instead of the amygdala. Frontal lobe part of the brain is responsible for processing thoughts, amygdala is the unconscious brain. When you are responding quickly in a conversation; having fun with family, friends, one tends to default to amygdala responses.
Conclusion
On the next conversation you have, take some time to evaluate your response. If they ask you why are you taking such long pauses tell them that you are a bit sick up in the head and you need a quick moment to make sure you give them the best response.